Definition of teen angst….

At first I was going to make my first post something deep and truly insightful about highschool. Yeah, like that happens. Then it was brought to my attention that many of my peers don’t really understand what teen angst is. My whole purpose of this blog is to share insights into the world of an all-girls, Catholic, yet open-minded high school and teen adventures in general. So to kick this party off, Wikipedia explains the word angst as “Angst is usually a nondirectional emotion.” How true is that? To get more in depth in Wikipedia, “Angst is an English word for fear or anxiety (anguish is its Latinate equivalent, and anxious, anxiety are of similar origin). It is used in English to describe an intense feeling of apprehension, anxiety or inner turmoil. A more ‘hip’ definition from Urban Dictionary is “When teenagers, for any number of reasons combined with their hormones and stress from school, get depressed.” Not as witty or sarcastic as you would normally expect from Urban, but hey, it does the job. But let’s be real here, all of the people that could possibly read this, take a step back and examine those times when you feel blahhh. Do you lash out at someone? I know I do….

Ok let’s start a weekly challenge. OK?? *waiting for audience response*…no? Alright, challenge yourself for a week to examine your emotions before getting mad at someone. If you aren’t mad at that person, smile at them to make sure they aren’t confused. If you are mad at them, smile at them anyways. It’ll throw them off their game. You’re welcome 🙂

What defines an idol?

When choosing an idol, or someone to look up to, what do you look for? Someone who does something of merit, or fulfills something you’ve been dreaming about? I don’t generally have an idol that I look up to, but recently, I have found someone that I feel is an appropriate role model. Ladies and gents, the winner is….SUTTON FOSTER! For those of you who do not know, Sutton Foster is the It-Girl of Broadway. She currently teaches at NYU and has been in 10 Broadway shows in featured roles. She has been nominated for 4 Tony awards and has won two of them. As my voice teacher has been making me work on Thoroughly Modern Millie, and to research videos. Listening to Sutton Foster just starting out in this show really has shown me that people can grow. From Millie in 2002 to Anything Goes in 2012, there is a visible difference in her characters and her voice. This showed me that even though she is a professional, she still can grow and change and improve. It helps me to remember that even though I believe I’m done, I’ll never be more, there is always room to grow. Sutton has shown me that even though she doesn’t have the ‘right’ build for theatre, or the ‘perfect’ voice, it doesn’t matter. With her dedication to her craft, she has become one of the biggest names in contemporary musical theatre.

I am now… A Directioner

If you have not heard of the British band One Direction, I will proceed to ask you who moved the rock in which you were inhabiting.

This group is made up of five extremely talented and lovely boys. This group was made by Simon Cowell. I know, the same Simon that we loved to hate throughout our times which we loved American Idol. That time long before Jennifer Lopez became a judge. A better time in life. Anyways, Simon is now a judge on the UK’s X Factor. These five boys, Liam, Zayn, Niall, Harry, and Louis all auditioned for this show and they were going to be cut, but Simon saw something in them and decided to give them a chance to become a group. Imagine if one of them had said no, they would not have the fame, international tours, and incredible music that they have now. what I have noticed is the people who dislike Justin Bieber say a multitude of things, they say that he is ‘girly’, ‘can’t sing’, or other inappropriate things. They say that he is untalented, but if you listen to the critics of One Direction, you notice that they don’t speak about talent. These guys truly have talent and cannot be denied. They will be big soon, but for now, I am part of their wonderful fandom.

*sigh* Twitter

I have recently joined Twitter. I used to swear up and down, left and right that I would never join the Twit-craze. Unfortunately, for one of my classes at school, we were required to create a Twitter account to learn about new and upcoming social medias. At first, I loathed the idea, layout, you name it. I found the idea slightly ridiculous unless you are a famous celebrity with hundreds of thousands of followers who care what your every move is. A singing and acting loving theatre kid does not exactly have a whole bunch of groupies. After creating the account and doing all the necessary requirements for my class, I left the thing alone. After creating a website and having to add a Twitter link, I revisited the issue. One of my best friends had added me on Twitter and had ‘tweeted’ something quite funny. Her wit was quite funny and I found myself on the ‘trending’ topics. Sadly, I enjoyed my experience that day and now I enjoy being on Twitter. This website is actually quite hilarious whilst still being short and to the point. I understand the craze with this website and have truly come to appreciate the wittiness of the idea of the site.

A want? A need?

Based upon the recent acting experiences and auditions, I have really come to understand more about myself.

When I was 6, I was told by someone that I had a nice voice, but nothing that could make me famous. Granted, I am not famous but I started a choir in the 4th grade, a few years later, I began voice lessons and truly put effort and time into my voice, I have been cast in musicals, given solos, and most recently, been accepted into the select Performance Workshop at my school. This group is the jazz ensemble of the school and the director informed me that I do have talent. So when do you truly embrace a dream after working so hard at improving voice and acting? At what point do we stop putting ourselves down and truly embrace the fact that you want to be on stage? This is a question that I’ve been telling myself for years until a month ago. I realized that if I truly want something, I’m going to have to work my butt off and commit to this craft. Perhaps I’ll be rejected, maybe I’ll be rejected more times than I wish to count. I will make this work  for me. I will be a star 🙂

Why so important?(How I Met Your Mother style)

Due to the amazing season finale of How I Met Your Mother, I have many feelings that I wish to express.

That moment when your favorite character in the show finally gets the ending that you’ve always wanted. Why is that so important? Why do we rely so heavily on the happiness of fictional people. Could it be that we live vicariously through these people that always get their happy endings? Like Barney finally revealing that his marriage would be with Robin in How I Met Your Mother. Seeing a character in a wedding dress can either be either devastating or triumphant in the moment when you love that Rebecca walks into the bar to run off into the sunset with Ted or if she decides to go back to her wedding, leaving Ted to believe that fate will control his love life? The suspense, laughter, tears, happiness and sadness all riding on one show? Some people call it ridiculous, I call it a fandom. A fandom that I am proud to be a part of.

Crack to make it or break

In singing, there is a term that describes your voice faltering, it’s called ‘cracking’. Being a singer, cracking is the biggest fear of any performance. Once you master the crack, you believe you’re home free all, right? So what is the term for cracking in dancing??

The latest auditions were for the Spring Musical 2013, which is Legally Blonde. I have an extremely talented school. Erm, singing and acting talent, that is. Why on earth our director chose one of the dance-heaviest shows on Broadway, we will most likely never know. Our choreographer walked into our audition, took one look at the lovely theatre children in the room, laughed and shook his head. With that dismal introduction, we began jump-roping. Oh yeah, did I mention this musical has a number in which you sing and jump-rope at the same time? Practically murder. While learning the choreography, the choreographer quickly separated us into the group with coordination, and the group without. Thankfully, I actually looked coordinated that day and was sent into the ‘good’ group. After 3 1/2 hours of jumping, spinning, and singing, the choreographer looked dismayed and disillusioned with the sweaty teenagers looking back at him. Sending us home with the assignment of practicing, he told us to never give up. Walking in the next day, the smile the choreographer was sporting seemed slightly forced. Because we are fabulous and talented, we went out and nailed the routine. We then procedeed to jump-rope. Singing, jump-roping, and smiling at the same time really should be an Olympic sport for its difficulty. Thankfully, he seemed chipper leaving the auditions. The singing auditions were easy-peasy compared to the singing auditions the next day. The directors then left us to simmer in our own nerves for a day. As the cast list was announced two days later, we were not surprised to see that the pre-casting was spot-on for the leads that were cast. But as my eyes moved down, I noticed my little name in the middle of the page. I WAS CAST! To my even greater delight, I noticed that I was not even in the general chorus, I was in the dancing chorus that shows up throughout the show. Feeling accomplished, I went home and tried not to think of pink as I will get more than enough of it throughout this next year.

Choke

Have you ever had an out-of-body expirience? That moment when you leave your body and you see yourself. You look at your body just standing there and wanting to scream at yourself do just DO SOMETHING. Flashback to Group B of my SOAPS. I was in one show in this group, and in the show, I was in a leading role. The lead opposite me was a splendidly talented senior that I had looked up to all year. He had told me before that we could pull this show off, having memorized lines two days before. My wonderful costar was an extremely talented actor but he really had problems memorizing lines. After dropping several lines on stage and having to improvise, there came a point where I felt my mouth go dry, and my eyes widen. This was appropriate response to what happened in the show, but this reaction was not acting. I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Still, I remember this moment as an eternity. My costar jumped in and said a line where I picked things up from there but that moment is this ingrained in my head. The fear, terror, and uncertainty of that one moment was just brutal. But it was an expirience and allowed me the chance to learn what happens in a line-drop situation.

The Beginning of the End

Due to the fact that there were 9 Student Directed One Act Plays (SOAPS for short), the performances were split up into two nights. Friday night and Saturday afternoon were the performances of Group A. In this group, I was featured in two shows. Being the only freshman in either show, the pressure was definitely on. Thankfully, my fellow castmates were so supportive, knowing this was my first acting expirience. There are times in your life when you realize that what you are about to do is going to change your life. In our warmups before the show, I looked out at my fellow actors dressed in news anchor clothes, dressed as children, and myself, who looked like the quintessential hippie straight from the 70s, I realized that we were all feeling the same thing. No matter how seasoned, everyone was feeling nerves, insecurities, and fears. We were all the same and we were all here to support each other and do what we love. My first director approached me before we kicked off the performance (side note: My director for this show is a highly accomplished senior thespian who is quite attractive and intimidating at the same time, to give you a feeling of my emotions at this moment) he knew I was nervous and told me, “Even though you kick off this performance and this is your first time, I believe you can act better than some of these ‘seasoned’ people. You have an energy that comes alive on the stage. Let the light fill you up and let it flow.” Not fully understanding his meaning, I nodded, and took my place at the wings of the theatre and waited for my cue. There is a moment where time slows, you hear the buzzing of the crowd, the lights go up and the stage manager nods at you for your cue. I could hear my heart beating, but as I stepped on stage, I left myself behind and became my character.

Last Show of the Year

My school has the absolutely lovely tradition of Student Directed One Acts Plays finishing out the year’s thespian productions. This opportunity gives seniors and juniors a chance to direct a show and buff up their resumes. This also gives underclassmen the opportunity to get a leading role and help season their acting skills. I was excited for the opportunity to audition and I didn’t think anything would come of it, I auditioned and to my surprise, I was cast! I was the only freshman in two of my shows, which allowed me the amazing opportunity to learn from some of the most talented people I’ve ever met. In these two shows, the directors were guys, who are notoriously picky in their casting. Rehearsals have gone great and I really have learned so much, I’ll let you know how the productions end up working out. Hopefully I don’t choke!

I guess I am now a theatre kid…

The typical highschool stereotype for theatre kids are girls who are overly confident drama-queens or boys who are WAY too in-touch with their feelings. You can obviously understand my trepidation walking into my first day as a crew member in my school’s Spring Musical. I wanted to get to know the program and the people before auditioning and I can say that this was one of the best decisions I have made in high school thus far. The people that I thought would be frighteningly ‘artsy’ actually turned out to be some of the most interesting people I have ever met. They are fun, caring, and definitely relaxed about many things. They were totally ok with my habit of singing whatever song is stuck in my head and actually dancing to my own songs. They accepted my need to listen to angsty showtunes whilst stressed. And when I was made Costume Mistress and cried from the stress, they held me and told me everything would be ok. Lesson? Never judge a book by it’s cover because Pajama Game was one of the best decisions I have ever made.